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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in expensivechick2's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, January 22nd, 2008
3:07 pm
I have no words......
I get into work today slap on the computer figuring i'm going to hammered down with e-mails of attorney jargen and crap that had to be done and inbetween all the attorney crap one little e-mail stood out. copy and paste is a great feature.

Good morning sunshine. I know you have been out of sorts for a bit, but i just wanted to share something with you that may bring a little smile to your face. I hope you like it :)

The smell of her lingers in the air as I wait for her return.
In almost a single moment her scent was to fade, only to be left
as an oh too soon memory.

The old flame, still kindled burning brightly in her heart
The ambers in which no one could diminish.

A refusal in a whirlwine of confusion
A grave mistake almost taken by my own hands

Quick blink of an eye and that smile I long for returned.
Those green eyes that hold every kind of emotion and yet
still sparkle with such radiance simply take my breath away.

A unquie individual in and of herself whichi s so facinating in
ways I can and can not imagine, yet yern to learn more of such unquicness

A woman who looks so deep inside of you with such beauty that
eminates from her soul, it's neither descriable or understandable

I know ambers will always burn inside of her
I don't try to pretend it's not there nor do I ignore it exsists
It's part of who she is
It's part of the passion she expresses when she speaks, part of the
wrinkling in her nose when she makes funny faces, and part of her
laugh that she has when she's the only one that finds something
funny in a room of silence

She's the falling star i've wished on.
The smile that brings light to my face and those eyes I get lost in.
It's not perfect, were not perfect, but I don't wnat to be.

She describes herself as simply-complicated, flawed to a fault and messy
I see it, I get it and any other way simply would not be who she is.
And that's ok.

The cheese in your macaroni,
Mark

Current Mood: shocked
Wednesday, March 14th, 2007
8:47 am
Dropkick kicked my ass!
Last night had to be the bestest show i'd been to in a little bit. I have not seen them since I was 22 and they still were amazing. I had forgotton what a fantastic show they put on. Saw a few old friends that i haven't seen in a few years. ahhhh I want to do it again. :)

Current Mood: yet tired and all worth it..
Wednesday, March 7th, 2007
8:51 am
Woot!
What do you get when you combined one cranky paralegal with her loud mouth and over worked ass?....... Another raise....yeah baby! yeah!

Current Mood: bouncy
Tuesday, February 6th, 2007
12:36 pm
Life....or something like it.
Someone once told me when your backed into a corner and have no where to go you have two choices, find away out or stay there and die. My life was put to death many years ago covered by deception and false realities that i felt so deep down inside were true and believed it all. I've stood in that corner a scared little girl hiding her face from the world and taking everyone down with me. My hope is I come out of that corner the woman I know I am and always have been inside. When your life starts blurring into others like runny water colors you realize your life is not your own and matter of fact it never really was to begin with, just a mere extention of the world they created with the allowance of a few ideas of your own so you stay stupid to the reality that was so deeply covered through manipulation and puzzle pieces that were forced to fit, and naive enough to block out the truth. We can't change the past, if we could we'd all be better for it. Maybe a little nicer or less nieve perhaps. Your past only defines who you are if you let it. I've always allowed mine to be everything I am. It's a good tool if you only use it as a reference and not an excuse for every action you make. Somethings about your past will always remain on you. It has to,part of that is the reason you are who you are. But it should be a lesson you've learned or something you can take with you to help you out and not what marks you for a label you never wanted to be but were so used to, you kept it and used it when ever you felt the need to.
Just 1 1/2 months ago I got the biggest slap of reality I could ever face, I've had issues before, encyclopida fulls no less, but things I simply were not ready to deal with or even thought I would have to have now risen to the surface. The "family" we were preceived to be unless you were an insider is no longer. Things had been rocky for months before with other things, and as in the old Janene style I put those running shoes on, avoided the issues, put things off and ran for the hills. That now is no longer an option for me with anything. After all 3 bombs had been drop one of them being by my own hands and being pushed to my brink with the "family" I put that in quotes as such because that is what it is. It's merely a label for people who share the same DNA by a simple roll of the dice. After many long car rides with my self, to many of places in which I probably would never beable to find my way back to even if I tried and even funnier in the fact I got there to begin with. In my wonderings I wound up in the most beautiful place I have ever seen in my life. Found it on a back road in the middle of no where. So I pulled off took Mr. Belevedere out of the trunk and my blanket and just sat and before i knew it the sun was coming up and I was sober. I realized that night, how beautiful a place can be when untouched even through rain and wind and snow and leaves and coldness it still keeps it beauty because there is nothing from the outside that can taint it. I've been trying so hard to fit into a mold I never belonged in to begin with. How I got there like I've said before was merely a roll of the dice. I don't want to change myself. I want to change the things that pertain to life and how I've delt by not dealing. Learn by example even though you knew deep down it wasn't the way but you took that path because it was easier. It's ok to be mad, it's ok not to agree with others, it's ok to go against the grain even when your the only one standing there. It's funny the one thing that fucked me up the most is the one thing that's going to save me. They saved me by pushing me so far away to the point I can't go back. I love them all, I'd do anything for them, they are my family, but from now on from a distance. One day i'll thank them. Thank them for showing me how destructive they were to each other even without outsiders looking in.

Current Mood: blank
Monday, July 3rd, 2006
1:51 pm
Stupid shoud hurt
Not only am I annoyed that I can't home even tho my boss told me I could but mr man up stairs does not believe it is fair that i should leave at 12 when his precioius assistant can't go home...Grrrrr!!!!!! All my work was up and done by 10 and why is that? I got here early on purpose so my ass could leave early. My boss called told me he wasn't coming in asked me if everything was done I said yup all done well as much as i could do given the courts are shut down. So he says ok cool just leave at 12. So me being miss nice nice I tell mr lawyer man upstairs so he doesnt wonder where I am. and this is what he had to balls to e-mail me back after I was done.

Evan is only part of the equation as we have appts coming in. so i will see after the mail comes in how things are. usually on days like this we will let you both leave after we do the mail etc. more like 2pm. i'll let you know.

ok number one. The appointments I had coming in I cancelled and reschudled. number two. My mail was alredy done. Evan said leave the rest we'd get it on Wednesday. So now i'm sitting at my desk with my thumb in my ass completely bored out of my mind to the point I want to vomit and it sucks i dont smoke anymore or at least i could waste a good 15 minutes just standing outside.

On another note. I really really wanted to believe that the peole who we hire to fight for our rights would have a tad bit of clue of what was going on in the world today. And to say the least knowing they don't scares me. I had a couple of attonrey's call me this morning and told me they couldn't get into the courts to file whatever motion or complaint or whatnot they had to because the court doors were locked and they didn't know why so that complaint or whatnot would have to abe postponed. and it took everything I could to not insult a man who tries to defend the rights of other so I simply said uhhh yeah they are closed because the governor shut them down. And you will never believe the next question tha tcame out of this man's mouth? Well why? Well by now I couldn't take anymore I had to say it...i said umm how you've picked up a paper anytime this week or today? And the worst part of this conversation is that he told me yes he has. So afater about 6 phone calls deep of this almost exact conversation from paralegals and attonreny's I just simply couldn't answer the phone anymore. And the one time I did I had to hang up on them..I'm sorry, I'm not the brightest bulb on teh shelf and sometiems I wonder where i've been the last 10 years...but hello!!!! :::rolls eyes::::

Current Mood: aggravated
Wednesday, June 28th, 2006
2:56 pm
Cadilliac Catera..just a more expensive way of saying chevy caviler
I swear to all that is holy there is always something wrong with this damn car. Maybe it's haunted by the old woman who used to own it when i bought it from the dealer ship. She was 82 she might be dead by now and haunting me. I know the alighment is off when i let go of the wheel i steers to the left and when i got above 30 it shakes like a giant dildo. Well hopefully when I get home i'll call the meachnic and he can squeeze it in and have it back friday. On another note more people are attending this wonderful family gathering we will be haveing this saturday. Like I've said it before if it wasn't for the 4 little munckins i absolutely adore to know end I would have flipped up my finger and went about my merry way. So i say since i'll be stuck there for saturday I have every intention of loading my ass up on beer or something of the alcholic nature. My only relief will be my cousin Tom whom I don't get to see much but are inserperable when together. Now i've said it before not that i don't love my family but get all them people together from compplete and total opposite sides of any spectrum you can think of it's always fun. Now I have to confess we do have some good times when together but that always depends which way everyone's mood is swinging. if it's an upbeat mood were all good but it only takes one to sink the entire ship. So it's always a toss up so we'll see how this goes. Because as i've said before how can you say no to 4 little I should say 3 little munckins and one loud mouth niece who want you so very much to roast marshmellows and make smoores and light off fireworks....(not sure if that's the best idea for me to lighting off fireworks) and swimming all day. Since aunt sucker let's them hang all over her like little monkey's while were in the pool and launch them like rockets and throw them off teh deck and play every little swim game known to man with them...All for the sake of them giggling their heads off and me making a complete and total ass of myself. Which with them there is no other way to be. :)

Current Mood: awake
Friday, June 16th, 2006
3:38 pm
All in a days work
So I'm sitting at work bored to tears. My boss had an absessed tooth and left early this morning. There was a dep this morning here so that ate up most of the morning it got pretty heated I could there curses flying out of the conference room where the dep was going on so me and my nosey ass after our clinet came out and him and the otehr atternoy were still in there cursing like sailors at each other i had to ask what was going on. Apprently the def atty was being a smack and since the atty I work for has such a god complex he just wasnt' having it. I've only been working here for 3 weeks and all I can say is damn. After all that school they apprently dont teach you shit about what really goes on. It was so rough learning all this crap. And apprently according to teh atty upstairs learning almost everythning that the other girl that was here before me was pretty impressive. Now I dont know everything that will take some time. There are still a few things i haven't been tough quite yet but apprently I will be learning shortly. This week haasn't been all to bad. The first 2 weeks I wanted to up and quite. He was riding my ass so hard it was raw. And let me tell you lawyers take no prisoners when there pissed off. You catch everything. Shit you even catch gruff for shit you have absolutely no idea about. well after 2 grueling weeks my paycheck came and let me tell you all I could say was DAMN!!! it was nice and big and I huggged it like it was child. First check I got that wasn't unemployment since i went back to school full time last year. I was so beautiful I watned frame it and cash it and make a copy of all it all at the same time. It's nice getting big pay check after all those fucking years of college. It's what i've been dying to do. At some points it got so rough I was wondering if this was really what i watned to do. But with the lovely sound of the words bonuses in my ears and a raise after my probation period is over and good health benefits and a pention plan. I"m absolutely exhausted because I"m not used to being up with the birds and trucking 45 minutes home give or take depending on traffic. I'd been so spoiled when I worked at Advanta 20 minutes there in bad traffic and 20 minutes home in bad traffic. I get bored sitting in a car for more than that. But I have found other ways of entertaining myself. Somtimes i feel like a monkey preforming and if I don't do the exact trick the trainer is looking for. Geez he gets mad. Ah well it'll be better I"m sure once i get a swing of things right now I"m all over the damn place trying to get my footing. So well see.

Current Mood: cheerful
Sunday, May 28th, 2006
10:18 am
Yay!
So saturday was exactly one week since I graduated. And now this coming Tuesday I start my job in my field. As shocked and as amused am I. I can't believe I got a job this quickly. I have friends who had graduated at least a good 2 years and still can't find good work in their field. I really feel blessed that someone is giving me an oppurtunity like this to show them what i can do for them. Even if i don't stay here my entire career at least it's a start and i will gain valueable experience from this given I'm working with to laywers that are on entirely diffrent ends of the spectrum in law. It's small firm but from what I gathered from my conversations with both lawyers they are growing and expanding which to me sounds like a great oppurtunity for advancement once i get my feet wet. That is all.... yay!

Current Mood: bouncy
Thursday, May 25th, 2006
7:35 pm
woo hoo!!!
So Tuesday was my very first interveiw on my quest to find a job in my field now that i finally have my degree I'd like to put it to some use. I ment with two attorney's the one I'd be working for and he's partner in crime and I do mean that in every sense of the word given he's a criminal attorney and a complete jagoff. The interview lasted about a good 45 minutes or so basically going over what i"d be doing and how things work and so on and so forth. Arrogant fucker none the less but he is an attoreny and I assume he's good at what he does. He told me all the responsiblites and so on and so forth and yada yada. I tried to listen carefully but I had a hard time getting over the fact of the arrogance that poured from his lips. So then I met with his counter part...he was a demonic presences from hell but given he's a criminal attorney I should have expected nothing less. I think they seemed very interested because they explained there pension plan, bonuses, how much I would be making ::::smirks:::: medical and raises. Never had that much information put towards on any interview before so I assumed it was a good sign. Surpised tho given my very first interview out of the gate. They told me i'd be notified by next Tuesday if I had the job or not. Today i had some running around and such to do so when I got back home I checked the answering machine since I"ve faxed out so many resumes the past 2 weeks I assumed something would be on there. The lo and behold I had a message from that law firm asking me to please call them back...they wish to discuss my interviews they had, had with me on Tuesday. Now i'm not going to get my underwear twisted but I assume that is an excellent sign I might possibly have the job. And on another good side note. I have another call today and have an interview set up for next tuesday with another law firm. So i'm crossing a finger here. But i'd find it a tad shocking to get a job on my very first interview. Not downing myself but I don't think I was all that impressive just listened to what they had ot say, smile and nodded and a little common chit chat to past a bit of time when they asked me about myself. So there ya go. If I do get this job...i will be shocked....utterly shocked!

Current Mood: chipper
Friday, May 19th, 2006
2:40 pm
More yay!
I was looking through the want ads and came across an add for a legal assistant so I circled it with my blue pen and gave the place a call. I spoke to the lawyer Mr. Laine who is a personal injury attorney to give him some background on me I assume to see if I was at least qualified enough for him to meet with me for an interview. I explained to him I was graduationg college this Saturday and he seemed very impressed and enthusted. Gave him a tad bit of background on what parts of law I have study and what classes I had taken to maybe qualify me for the job. He said he'd like to set up a interview with me for Tuesday gave me directions and said he looked forward to meeting with me. So i'm going to hold on to my draws and hope I impress him enough for the job. I'm not trying to get over eager about this because it's only my first interview out of the gate. Not to far of a drive which is ok by me. It's a small law firm in cherry hill but it's a start if he feels i'm qualifed enough. So im crossing my fingers and hoping for the best!

Current Mood: chipper
10:33 am
What the hell is going on?
Jack Cafferty: Wolf, Today's lesson in hypocrisy comes to us courtesy of the Senate Judiciary Committee. They met in a different private room behind closed doors today and approved a Constitutional Amendment banning gay marriage.

I usually don't step into the political ring to talk about much of anything. I think i've just gotton to a point like most where you just roll your eyes and let out a "what the fuck?" But I was just so annoyed by this. So what they are saying if this passes is hey your allowed to be gay...but you have to follow the following rules. Many diffrent kinds of people came to this country to get away from persacutions of how they are and what they believed and now were turning into those same exact countries people fleed from so they could live in freedom of how they felt they wanted to live. I myself am spiritual or relgious or take me for what you'd like to call it. But this is down right wrong for them to attempt to make a law that will allow people not to beable to choose to live how they feel. Gay people are being treated like a sub-species of the human race. I thought we were all created equal. So now we are created equal as long as your not gay? Have any of these people looked at the research that has been done in the last 5 years? That the research has showed that life long parnters stay together longer then people who are married. That there is a 85% divorce rate in our country yet gays are fighting for their rights to be together and who want to get married? Who are they to make judgements because they believe being gay is a sin. To each his own. I have my own beliefs on diffrent topics some dont agree with me but then again some do doesn't mean I will push them in your face and call you a sinner. They are mine and mine alone and what you chooose to do with your own life is on you. We are supposed to love each other for who we are not what we are. And if you can't look past someone's sexuality, race, relgion or creed...well my friend I find that sad. And what i find even more sad we have heads of state who can't look anywhere past their noses to see the big picture.

Current Mood: aggravated
Wednesday, May 17th, 2006
11:58 pm
It's over!
Tuesday night at 9 o'clock i walked out of my very last class probably not for the rest of my life but for now. On saturday I sit and proabably sweat to death in a black cap and gown with 1000 other graduates anxiously waiting for my name to be called to my parents heads can bloat. That's right. I've decided to give them what they want after much heisitation to see me turn my tassle and say fair well to these painful years of college. Not saying I haven't met good friends, interesting people, people i will never forget...people i can't forget and just those strange people I want to forget. Yes it's finally over. And I will kick off my celebrations Saturday night with a few new friends and some very old friends. One who's been there for 19 years of my 28 years here. My bestest friend in whole wide world.

I've jumped the gun a tad bit and have already sent out 7 resumes to diffrent places. But hey...never hurts to start early. Now I just have to play the waiting game. Wait for someone to give me the oppurtunity to show them what knowledge of the law I have. I've decided I'd like to be in business law. Not the most exciting field of law but the one closest I can mange the best. I was around it for almost 6 years working at Advanta so from that and my schooling i have the best idea of what goes on so I think it's best to start there.

Current Mood: bouncy
Wednesday, May 10th, 2006
4:00 pm
Woo hooo!!!!!
With much antcipation of waiting for my final grade in that wretched man's math class I finally got the confermation right now that I got a D...he passed me!...woo hoo!!!! Now i can graduate free and clear with no summer courses, my ass is done and complete. it's offically over....well ok almost over, my night class is over the 16th but I know for a fact I've passed that class with at least a B.....oh yeah! Ahhh finally finally finally...i can smell the freedom and it smells pretty damn good!

Current Mood: bouncy
Monday, May 8th, 2006
5:06 pm
It just keeps getting better!
So today as usual i wake get dressed haul my ass to school early to find myself a decent parking spot that isn't in the south 40. I go to the library figuring i'll get a tad bit more studying in before my accounting final. This chick rebecca who was in my math class mets me there to give me back my book and tells me she walking over to Taft to go hand in her extra credit from out math class and see if she can scam her grade out of our teacher for the final we took friday. So I told her call me if he gives it to her because I want to see what I got. Now I only need a 61 to pass the class and i'd be done with mr buttmuncher forever. So i go over and walk into his office and i asked him did he grade teh final yet and he said yes some of them and i asked if he had graded mine because he knows after the many converstaions I've had with him how much was riding on this one friggin course. The only one i've had trouble with I might add...So he looks in his grade book and tells me i got a 47...well almost as soons as that grade left his lips i started balling my eyes out. So calmed me down adn said I haven't added in your extra credit yet and he says to me you only need a need for the course correct? So inbetween my sniffs and snot i said yeah so he says inbetween tight lips in a very low whisper says e-mail me Wednesday you'll have your D...of course I didnt' hear this so I go wha? He goes..in the same manner tighted lipped and all goes e-mail me wednesday you'll have your D....so I start rambling because my brain is still not computing what he's saying so he goes Janene get out of here it's taken care of..do you understand that? So i felt relieved..now all i had left was my accounting final to take care of that day. So off I went back to the library and down the stairs to my class.....Were sitting out in the hall for about 10 minutes when the class befaore us finally let's out. We go in I set up my note book and calcultor....set up the computer for the software I need and my accounting teacher comes up and points to me, this chick lynsey this guy Tim and one indian guy and says go outside i'll be with you in a minute so me and lynsey get these weird looks on our faces because we have no idea what the hell is going on..so we line up outside like were in a criminal line up waiting for him to come out. He comes out and says we are excempt from taking the final because we all got A's for our grades....so i'm just staring at him everyone else is cheering so I go..i got an A?..he goes yeah....I said I got an A? he goes yes Janene you did..so for the third time I got an A?...he goes Janene get out of here and have a good summer and go get yourself a stiff drink...goodbye...so I shook his hand grabbed my crap and left...I was walking on sunshine right about then....me a friggin A in accounting...shocking.....I am so smart...s-m-r-t....yay me!

Current Mood: accomplished
Sunday, May 7th, 2006
8:25 pm
Real world here i come
So in two weeks I will offically be a college gradute with a degree in applied sciences. Sounds niffty doesn't it...all important like. Something i've busted my ass to get it's all coming to a head in two weeks. I"m more stoked then I can possibly get. If my skin wasn't attached to my body I would have jumped out of it by now. Truth be told I never thought i'd see the end. School has been such a large part of my life for so many years I honestly don't know what i'm going to do without it. i"ll have free time on my hands. It's just always been there for these past 10 years. I've know of nothing else. Bought myself a fax machine, I have an appointment next week with a resume service to make it look puuuurrrdddddyyy and professional because God only knows what i"d put on there. Speaking professionally is one thing trying to put that on paper is whole diffrent ball of wax for me. Been going through the employment section of the paper for the past month or so and i beleive as many jobs that are out there for paralegals I don't think i'll have a problem finding a job. And they seem not to far which with the cost of gas going up it's a good thing. Problme is when i get my piece of paper things will be going pretty fast for me. Paying down my debt and moving being my top two priorites is a bit worrysome for me. I don't want to faulter with either and have those wonderful words that were utter to me when I came home after 3 year failed relationship. The words that still play in my head that fuel me to try my hardest. The "i told ya so" followed by the "will ya listen to me next time" granted i was barely 21 and in all honesty caring for two people one of which seemed couldn't care for himself because I had coddled and spoiled and did everything for him. But that's a whole diffrent story in and by itself. What it all comes down to is that in 7 months i'll be 29 ::::big sigh:::: and i need more than what i have. I need that sense of responsiblity that no one can give me but myself. It's either sink or swim time. Time to undo damage that not only i have inflicted on myself but in some ways had inflicted on me and given at the time i'm sure the reasons seemed logical but it's done more damage then really has helped so not only do I have my own mess to clean, but the mess of other's. This is on long ass road I've been avoiding for a long time just didn't think it would sneak up as quickly as it did on me. So now I can't avoid anymore time to shit or get off the pot.

Current Mood: cheerful
Friday, April 28th, 2006
5:37 pm
Credits $74

5 Classes 3 credit's each $1,110

Books $530

All the debt I"m in from the year's of school $17,000

Graduation with the hopes of landing my ass a good job? .... PRICELESS

Threw sleepless nights, endless studies, numerous crying fits, biting pencils, riping papers, cursing and yelling at books. Times when I thought about giving up and giving in. Too everyone who has been there through all these years. I send out big thank you's and many huggles. You all know who you are and you all know how hard this had been. Well it's almost over and now I will stop being so bitch...MUCH LOVE everyone! ::::big smootches::::

Current Mood: accomplished
Tuesday, April 18th, 2006
9:31 am
Almost here!
4 weeks and counting till I can kiss my college years goodbye!...Finally, finally, finally I can see the light of day. No longer will have to study, figure out what what terms in law to study for. What the hell is the translation of court document into normal launguage..find an outcome to a pending case....No accouting, no computers...absoultely nothing! Big sigh of relief. I've been waiting for this day for soooo long I don't know whether to clap or fall over. Im exhausted and cranky and frustated and annoyed and those are just teh good traits this past month. I believe teachers are evil and are trying to cram in as much as possible before it ends like tehre last swift kick in your ass. Huge project due for accounting, 3 papers to turn in at least 10 pages are longer..who the hell wants to read all that? But in the end i"ll have my piece of paper. My parents are still insisting I walk in graudation. Been bugging me for quite some time now and I can understand why...Neither me or my brother really had a highschool graduation got rained out and they never reschdule them so my parents never really got to see up turn a tassle or throw a hat....or me give the finger one of my halmark traits. I've given in on having my pictures done i understand they want a momento for this glourious occasion....The walking part I"m undecided still. If I did decide it would honstly only be because they never really got to see either of their kids have a complete graduation and i know they'd liket o see that even just this once for any of us. So we'll see. All I care about right now is these last 4 weeks..anything else is just a blurr for right now. I just need to focus on this and deal with the rest later.

Current Mood: chipper
Monday, March 27th, 2006
8:22 pm
I've got good news and bad news.....
the good news is I scored the second highest grade in my math class..the bad news is the highest score in the class was a 54. As i've pissed and moan and exhausted every effort I could possibly think of to resolove this major issue with my "professor" which I do use that word loosey because never in my life have I ever come across a man who is this stupid and still found away to teach at a college and get away with it. Put in all his kindness he's decided since everyone did so poorly and he has absolutely no idea how or why this could have happened he's giving us another test on Wednesday...how thoughtful. A few people raised their hands and asked what else we should study for if there was anymore going to be on the test other then what was already given and we were told he wasn't going to tell us that. As we all stared around the room at each other and the expression on the faces of what is left of his beginning 30 plus some students that has rapidly dwindled down to 10 in the last 8 weeks of school we could all see the dumbfoundedness and disbelif that this man utter those words after everyone had flunked this man's test. This man should have his nuts cuts off with a very dull knife. Needless to say I was on the very short side of pissed almost to the point i could barely control my anger and wanted to spew at this man every venmous thought I could possibly think of at that time but giving my better judgement and this man has my graduation fate in his hand because this is the only class I'm struggling with, me and the other 9 people left in this small part of hell I just controlled myself till he was done speaking the stupidity that dripped off his lips adn then left. Rolling my eyes and cursing like a sailor all the way back to my car there is absolutly no more I can do about this teacher. I went to the head of the department 3 times in person and 4 times on the phone got no where. Sent my letter to the dean with my complaint never heard back...probably she's had so many complaints I'm probably half sure she's just about wiped her ass with every last letter about this man. Went to another teacher explain my situation and basically in not so many kind words told me to shove it he doesnt' have time to help or even concerned about anyone but himself. So I'm left with no options. My last resort. Take the 5 week course in the summer and graduate then...makes me ill to even think about that.

Current Mood: annoyed
Tuesday, March 14th, 2006
10:01 pm
Pass the welfare check...because i"m going to need it.
Well after digging through my finances, figuring everything out and counting down my pennies i've decided i need to either vomit violently or just plain scream till I throw up a lung. With the final loan I applied for to get me through this last hellish semester it seems that the money will not stretch as far as i anticipated. Matter of fact I'll probably if not indefiently be broke before the month is out. After this week I'll be stretching it if I was to say I'd have 100 bucks left. After the chriopractor who puts back my hips, my knee cap which is constantly popping out anymore probably due to the fluid that has been building up behind it and I've been putting that off as long as possible because I sure as hell don't have the 30 bucks to dish out so they can drain it. My pills which are 56 bucks in and of themselves I could quit taking them till I have the money again but I sooo love not having ot deal with that one hassle of being a woman. My credit card payment which granted it's lower but still it's up there. And lastly my other loan I took out a year ago to pay for all my credit cards that were jacked up due to car repairs and school so before i went under I took that loan out and that will be due over 200 bucks and give I only have 300 left in there. I"m on math wizz but soemthing tells me i"m staring down the barrel of negative numbers quite shortly. Now usually I'll just stew and eventually explode into a huge pile of mess and make a quick recovery.I can't do that this time. I"m to aggervated to let this simmer in the pot till it boils over. I"m not very good with doing my own taxes and usually never really had the money to pay to have them done. I did attempt last year to do them myself and came out oweing money....lol. Which after my brother so kindly did them for me came out a whole lot ahead of myself them expected finding all kinds of deductions I never knew i was intitled to which leads me into one of the two aggervations boiling inside. I asked him yet again this year if he would ever so kindly do them for me. He said he would and yet again I was grateful so as soon as they came in I handed them over thinking maybe in a month he'd have them done and i"d be home free. I gave him them in January and now were into march and here i sit with my thumb in my ass now in a state of panic wondering how the hell i"m going to pay the bills I have. I certainly can't ask my parents for money they are barely making it themselves so that is completely out of the question. I wouldnt' be so pissed at this moment but if could not due them in a resonable amount of time he could have simpley given them back to me and i would have made away to find the money to take them to get them done. So now I will see him on Friday and I will ask for them back. Gritting my teeth I will have to take them to an accountant and have them done. Chuck was my accountant for a couple of years and did a fantastic job. I will be calling him tommorow. Since he's been a friend of the family for years he always hooked me up with a discount for doing them. So i'm going to hold onto my ass and hope i get them back before I checking account comes to a stretching hault and if he doesn't well I'll just consider myself in not so many words...Fucked.

Current Mood: aggravated
Thursday, March 2nd, 2006
7:29 pm
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